Monday's This and That

I'm writing today because the desire is always there, but honestly, I have so many thoughts playing bumper cars in my brain, I don't know how to sort them into neat rows. So, no organized soldiers today...just splatterings of this and that...that perhaps no one but me really needs to hear.

I'm teaching a web writing course right now--two actually--and am amazed at the beauty and challenge that God brings my way. Truly, I love my job...this gift given to me 8 years ago on the whim of an application.  After two brief phone interviews and no networking contacts, He graced me with a my second-place dream job.

Writing full-time would take the gold. But, for now, that's not God's purpose for my days. My days, crowded out with three little people who depend on me for their education, their spiritual discipleship, their bodily nutrition, and their love--whoa, do I feel wholly insufficient for this task--are my primary ministry at the moment. And they are a temporary gift, pouring joy and struggle into my days. It won't always be this way. My days will alter...and only He knows exactly when.

Wouldn't it be great if one could hear His audible voice telling you which way to go, what door to walk through, when to run, when to stand still.  Yes, I'd love to hear Him clearly...
Heck, I'd settle for a postcard in the mail.

But this game of seeking and listening isn't for the impatient or distracted; a relationship with Jesus requires time (oh, how we begrudgingly release it) and open hands.  And then, when we allow ourselves to go to that place, our spirits escape the worldly constraints and exhale in relief.

He is there.
He is near.
He is working.
He is listening.
He is speaking.


I need only draw close to His heart and let go of mine, trusting that He's more than "got this covered." 

Even when my body falls apart and I feel insecure at the wake of "what if." I can't control this, but I can trust Him who does.

Even when jobs are unstable, people are unjust, and conflicts are abundant. I can't control that, but I can trust Him who does.

Even when I am rejected for that which I am most passionate about doing. I can't control what they say, but I can trust the one who loves and accepts me.  He has a plan. I need only ask and wait.

God did a beautiful thing recently, something that may seem simple and overlooked, but I am trying to be more diligent about turning back and thanking him (Luke 17:15)--noticing and appreciating.

With my piled-up health issues so have my health-care expenditures piled up. Normally one to find security in saving and not spending, I found myself quivering at the thought of so much money going out. Guilt, shame, and the ever-present "how can I fix this" attitude popped up. In His mercy, God answered my unspoken prayers, showing me how present He is to meet my needs. Although this situation has never presented itself (to my shaky recollection), I was offered two courses to teach (same class=one prep time) and the second course was substantially smaller.  Since homeschooling, my boundary has been one class at a time, but this situation was ideal. Essentially, I'm teaching one large course for the pay of two. God's provision? Absolutely!

This month I want to be more intentional about noticing and thanking. Gratitude is what propels us closer to the heart of the Father, ever humbly receiving what He pours over us.

Psalm 121:8

The LORD will guard your going out and your coming in From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 32:8

I will instruct you and teach you in the way which you should go; I will counsel you with My eye upon you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Psalm 107:1

Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!

Random Thoughts for Monday: 5 Things

Summer is wrapping up and our reading lists and outdoor activity lists  and keep-the-kids-from-boredom lists have been replaced with school-supply lists and back-to-it lists.

In a couple weeks, I will be back in high gear, mentally racing between homeschooling, teaching creative writing courses, Awanas, Bible study, etc.  By God's leading, I've decided to back off from all extra-curricular items (no dance, co-ops, sports, what-have-you). Some moms would judge me for this decision: "you aren't giving your children enough opportunity." But honestly, my children are still young and at this critical phase (who am I kidding--all phases are critical) of absorbing and learning. Creativity, inquiring, and security come from necessary down time and family time, not schedules and opportunities.

I like to stay busy, but I want everything I do to have purpose. I love homeschooling for the flexibility it affords our family.


5 Reasons to Love Homeschooling:

  *You don't have to buy clothes for "back to school." My kids' growth spurts never line up before      September anyway. Waiting works perfectly with their fall birthdays. 

         *You get excited about new books, crayons, pencils, and notebooks too!

           *You get to relearn everything you forgot.

               *You have the privilege of integrating any extra-curricular activity you want (painting,   cooking, wood-working, Swahili).  

                   *No school lines, school lunches, school uniforms, parent/teacher conferences (that   would be weird),fundraisers, or bullies(okay, yeah, we have plenty of sibling rivalry to make up for it).

But the best thing about homeschooling is that I get to be here to really know my kids and go through the big struggles and highlights. I am the one that teaches them to read and tie their shoes and write in cursive (yes, we do that). When they ask the hard questions, I'm around to answer them.

Recently a dear lady, and my daughter's co-op tutor from last year, went Home to be with Jesus. She fought cancer for three short months and left behind a husband and teenage daughter. My heart just aches for all that loss entails. I don't pretend to know what they are experiencing; every person's loss is personally their own, but I do know that grief isn't as clean and linear as we'd like it to be. And people, bless their well-intending hearts, can say some truly stupid and painful things.

5 Things to Avoid Saying to a Grieving Person:
   *I know how you feel. (That just makes people want to scream; you don't, so don't say it).
            *God needed another angel. (Sorry, your loved one will never become an angel.)
                  *Offer advice or ask painful questions. (Not helpful).
                      *When are you going to come back to work, church, school, etc.?
                            *Sentences starting with "At least..." (minimizing the pain offers little sympathy)

After reading these lists, a person may think, "well, I guess I shouldn't say anything." But no grieving person wants to feel like a leper. If you don't know what to say, hug them, bring them a meal, and be sure to write a note, send an email, or call a person a few months from their loss. The shock will have started to wear off and the deep pain will settle in with acute rawness.

Life ebbs and flows, and remarkably, it keeps going...even when it feels like it shouldn't it. When my dad left this earth, it seemed like a complete betrayal to "keep going." I wanted to scream at people at the store, "Do you realize what just happened to me?" My spirit felt like it had been run over and my body wanted to sleep for several days on end, but I had three small kids to tend to and a job to keep. It all felt so wrong. So upside down.
But the seasons kept going, and this spring will mark three years since Dad left.

5 Things to Remember as Fall Approaches:
    *Don't forget why you are here (purpose). It's so basic, but this simple truth often eludes people.
    *Remember to rest: doing so exudes a level of trust that God will cover us and provide for us.
    *Take time to give. If you are too busy to pour into people, you are too busy.
    *Read His words to us. The world bombards with lies and temptations. Know your truth.
    *Keep a short list: ask God, "who do I need to forgive today?" And then forgive them.


Philippians 3:14 "I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

As Oceans Demonstrate

"The seas have lifted up, O LORD, 

the seas have lifted up their voice;

the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.

Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,

mightier than the breakers of the sea--

the LORD on high is mighty.

Psalm 93:3-4 (emphasis mine)

 Last week we rested at my favorite spot--the Gulf Coast. Nothing quite overwhelms and restores me like sitting on the beach and watching the waves ride and crash and push back to sea again. The picture reminds me of God's faithfulness. Despite what is going on around me, He continues on.

At church on Sunday, a friend commented on our time away, "Isn't the beach the best place to worship? It's a great image of His love."  So deep. So wide. So expansive. We can't see the edges of it; it goes beyond our vision.  I love that idea too; may it truly sink into my spirit and change my perception of God's love. It doesn't have human limitations.

Ephesians 3:18, "And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is."

In Ted Dekker's novel, A.D. 30, a character explains that it's not enough that we understand God or His love. We must trust it.

                   "It is to trust. Not only to believe, for surely even the devil believes the truth and trembles. But to trust...that is everything!" (332) 

When I truly surrender all trust to Him (and not to myself, my bank account, my family, my country, etc.), then my life knows no boundaries. I am not burdened by fear or hate or insecurity, because I trust Him to do what is most loving and sufficient in my life. What a freedom!

“Strength of my heart, I need not fail,
Not mind to fear but to obey,
With such a Leader, who could quail?
Thou art as Thou wert yesterday.
Strength of my heart, I rest in Thee,
Fulfil Thy purposes through me.” 
― Amy Carmichael