I've gotten so forgetful lately, I've been scaring myself. Although details aren't my strength, I usually stay responsible over the things that need to get done by deadlines. But, somewhere between baby one and baby three, my brain juice started to evaporate. Or perhaps they just needed it more than I did and it was drained in-utero. Either way, my thoughts have become a frenzied cartoon of Family Circus (something like this comes to mind). As most moms can relate, we start a load of laundry and realize that we've left some dirty clothes in the bathroom. So, before we put the soap in the washer, we run to get that stuff, but on the way to the bathroom, we trip over a scooter (that should have never been in the house anyway), which we conveniently sidestep to discuss with our children the need to put away toys and keep bigger stuff outside. Help the oldest with some math questions. Then, we notice that the youngest is attempting to get himself a snack and has left the refrigerator open. We close the drawers, peel the apple, and then, of course, the dishes need to be put in the dishwasher, which reminds us of the other washer, which we then close the lid on (forgetting the dirty clothes in the bathroom we went to retrieve in the first place). This little scenario is one of dozens I encounter in a day. The distractions are understandable: who wouldn't forget a few things with all those interruptions? But, what's more scary is how cluttered my mind has become. Experts say that the more clutter we have in our house, the more stressed we are (high blood-pressure, digestive issues, anxiety, etc.), but how do we de-clutter our minds? After all, sticky notes will only get me so far. Today I drove somewhere in my house-shoes and on the way home I didn't remember to put on my seatbelt until I was 1/3 of the way home (my uber-safety-conscious receptors never let that happen...until today). I have this over-arching fear that I'm going to wind up somewhere in my pjs, having gotten all the kids ready while completely forgetting to dress myself...or worse yet, I'll forget one of the kids. Call it what you will...brain fog, stress, "too much on my mind", but it's time to clear the mental desk and organize a few things. First things first. 1. Make sure every day you take 15 minutes to debrief. Now, I'm not referring to "emptying your mind" or even meditation. No, nothing as spiritual or mystical as that. Simply put, you need to time to let your brain "freewrite" about the day. Let it categorize a few things, but don't dictate how you think. If you are on outward processor, talk to a friend or journal. If you are more introverted, sit in a comfy chair and stare at the wall...or better yet, close your eyes. If 15 minutes is "too much" than you need to greatly reduce your schedule. 2. Give yourself permission to have an "off day". Just so you know, my type-A, task-driven nature cringes over this idea, but I think it needs to be said. We give ourselves far too little grace (apparently I'm in the queen-status on this one) and we need to allow ourselves hours or a day to say "I'm not going to worry about it." For me, that day is Sunday, but sometimes it's Thursday: I have next-to-no expectations for myself and I certainly don't have a to-do list. We don't have to wear a cape all the time. Tell yourself, I am just human. I'm going to make mistakes. This day isn't going to be perfect and neither am I. 3. Don't multi-task so much. As a stay-at-home, home-school mom with a stay-at-home online job, multi-tasking is a necessary evil at times. But, where I can reduce, I try to...and every year, I think I get a little better at saying "no" and letting things go. Number 3 correlates to #2. The expectation bar needs to be realistic. We think we are multi-tasking effectively, but trying to do more than one thing at a time reduces focus, efficiency and ability to remember. It actually puts a wedge in the brain between what we hope to accomplish and what we actually do. We may "finish" several things but we didn't really cross the finish line with any of them. The goal and the end result are different. Of course, there are other ways to help clear fog and maintain focus on what we need to recall, but some of those tips give me a headache. For example, brain games? Sheez...I don't need something else in this life to make me feel stupid and inadequate, thank you. But, if you go for that kind of thing, pick up a crossword puzzle. Most importantly, get rest (sleep isn't optional) and eat healthy. Detox your mind and body with exercise. And take a moment to just exhale. Go ahead. Blessings, Kristin
Taking the time for silence requires much more deliberate planning than it did 100 years ago...or even 50. Noise from cell phones, iPods, laptops, Netflix, appliances, children, and co-workers bombard our waking thoughts. Ironically, even when we sleep, we have sound machines...just in case we're too uncomfortable with the quiet of night. For many, December blitzes our schedules and seems to demand...more, more. Despite the best of intentions and the stack of Advent calendars, daily Christmas readings, and dusty Jesse trees, we light a candle and wish to just sit and watch it burn. But, there's no time! On to the next thing.
Even though I pull out the dreaded "no" card more than most, my life can overwhelm me. I home-school while trying to wrangle a rebellious--and chatty--three-year-old. My older two constantly fight, so I constantly play referee--I think I need to invest in a whistle. I am teaching two online writing courses for Regent University and doing some side editing. I facilitate the women's Bible study at church and am going to more than my fair share of doctor's appointments these days. Some times, my body feels like it's active, but my brain has been left in the foggy recesses of withdrawal, curled in the fetal position, screaming, "QUIET, please!" Last night, my ever-loving mom drove over to my house and handed me a huge tub of bath salts, "Go out or stay in, but go do something restful. I'll watch the boys." What luxury! No crazy bathtime, no cleaning the kitchen, no folding laundry (it now haunts me from its mound on the couch)...just peaceful solitude. I filled a bath with water that would boil fish and read 1/3 of a novel I'd wanted to start. My spirit settled, my heart rested, my breathing slowed, my mind caught up with itself, and I thanked God for the chance to "just be." If you are going to truly succeed in this life, you have to know when to say "yes" and when to say "no." There's no cookie cutter formula, but I want to share a few basic principle questions you can ask yourself. These ideas come from Lysa Terkeurst's book,The Best Yes. People tend to fall into two camps, depending on personality, backgrounds, and guilt (let's just admit it). There are those who say, "yes" to everything and later regret it...and there are those who say "no" to everything and later regret it. Balance isn't our strong suit as humans, but we can improve.
"Discovering our Best Yes isn't about saying no to anything that feels uncomfortable. Or stretching. Or even beyond our abilities to resource. But a Best Yes will require having the courage to say no to the other things. No to the wrong things. No to some seemingly good things. That's the only way to ensure there's peace to run and take that leap of faith toward the best things.
"...if I spend resources I don't have, I will eventually bankrupt myself."
When confronted with another party, another obligation, another opportunity, have the courage to evaluate the situation through four filters, asking God, "Do I have the resources to do this well?"
1. Physically 2. Financially 3. Spiritually 4. Emotionally Perhaps we have the time and the finances to take on another project, but the emotional strain will drain us of our loving attitude and make our home life with family less than purposeful. And as Terkeurst states, without love, we're bankrupt. It doesn't matter if we "speak with eloquence, have faith that moves mountains, give everything we own to the poor...if we don't have love." "Not all assignments are my assignments." Figure out what exactly God has asked of you (not others have asked or what you feel pressured/obligated to do) and do those things well. Guard them and make sure that anything else you take on will align with those focal God-given tasks. If your "yes" is leading to "no's" on the essentials, than the yessing needs to stop. And remember in this hectic time of year that quiet is essential to growth. We need time to be still in the Presence of the One who calms all fears, speaks truth into our barraged and bruised minds, and says, come. He longs to "lead us beside the still water...to restore our souls."
"In quietness and trust is your strength." Is. 30:14
