Turning It Around and Letting Go

There's a blog article circulating the Facebook community right now with the title promising you a how-to on feeding your family for $250 a month.  It's a great post, detailing the grocery list and the menu, but for some reason, the theme behind it has been nagging at me the last few days.

Saving money is vital, especially in these current economic times. We live on a budget and I am always looking for a super-saver deal.  I hardly ever buy clothes unless they are on sale and I love to save.  But saving money should not be our end goal.  As Christ's followers, we're called to fall in step to His ideals, not the almighty dollar.  We're living this life for more than a "stable" retirement or a "secure" savings account--nothing is secure but our relationship with Him.  Giving and sharing should just be part of our lifestyles, whether we feel like we can afford it or not.  The Bible commands us to practice hospitality and give.  I think God knew how counter-cultural and unnatural this would feel.  After all, we are all about self-preservation.  But He also knew how imperative it is to our faith, vertically depending on Him, and outwardly expressing grace to others.  "Freely you have received; freely give" (NIV Matt 10:8). 

I've seen people squirrel money away, stingy in mind, heart, and hand, and sadly dejected and  worrisome. And I've seen other people, with little to keep them from going into the red, reserve their funds and give out of the abundance of their hearts, though no abundance in their wallets remains.  Joy surely follows one but not the other. 

Proverbs 11:24 says "One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want" (ESV). 

I'm not advocating carelessness or free abandon with price tags. God calls us to work hard and use our money wisely.  But, we work for a purpose, we save for a purpose, and we look for an eternal gain, not an earthly one. "but the righteous gives and does not hold back" (ESV Prov 21:26). 

After reading Isaiah 58 this morning, God confirmed in my heart what I was feeling. These words are truth and we need to abide by them.  After all, He knows.  He knows our weaknesses, our struggles, and our desires to hold on.  But true faith, love, and light are grown as we release to the Only One who can hold all things together for us.  So, let's take our funds, conserve and steward, yes, but so that we can give and release to others.  Let's take our hands and turn them up and out. 

Isaiah 58:10

 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry

and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,

then your light will rise in the darkness,

and your night will become like the noonday.

11The Lord will guide you always;

he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land

and will strengthen your frame.

You will be like a well-watered garden,

like a spring whose waters never fail.

What not to say

In the last couple of months I've had some moments when I've had to scratch my head in wonder. I've had moments when anger has bubbled over people and their stupid words.  Some people have been absent altogether, caring more about avoiding discomfort than loving on a grieving family.  But  I've also been blessed by the sacrifice and compassion of friends and family.  I'm touched by the practical ways people meet needs and by the just "being there" of others.

Until you go through a major loss yourself, you just can't know what to say or not to say. It's not that people are intentionally heartless or dumb; they just don't know better.

So, here are a few thoughts on my mind... these are certainly not all encompassing and may not apply to everyone, but they might help some people "get it" a little better.

What not to say ...

“I know how you feel.” or “I understand.”  No, I’m sorry, but you don’t.  Each person’s lost relationship is their own.  Even another widow cannot fully grasp what another widow experiences.

“Call me if you need anything.”  Honestly, a widow won’t.  She is too distraught and distracted to even know what she needs.  Don’t ask her to make decisions at this time; the motivation just isn’t there.

“God has a new purpose/ministry plan for you.”  Yes, that is probably true but not something she needs to hear right now.  Half of her was just ripped off; she needs time for healing before she can walk again.

Don’t avoid the tears.  Don’t avoid the question “how are you?” Don’t avoid the silence (sometimes just “being” there is best).  Don’t try to always “get their mind off of it”—it’s there, and avoiding/denying will only delay the grieving process.  Don’t expect us to be hunky-dory in a couple of months.

Do…

 share memories/stories.
 hug often (they need the physical tough).
 have patience and compassion.
 bring a meal or flowers if you feel you must do something.
 keep praying.

I Assure You

This is what I wrote for my dad's memorial service on Good Friday. 

I Assure You

 

Over the last year, we’ve watched Dad struggle through this time of battle with his body.  The last month proved the hardest.  We hated what he went through. To see Dad in so much pain made us want to scream out, “enough, please! Deliver him, Lord.”  When we fell in weakness, God gave us His strength.  In our doubt, His faith anointed us and gave us hope.  Not in any one person, treatment, or cure, but in the One our Hope rests—our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  And he who promised was and is faithful. 

Many of you prayed diligently for Dad’s healing, believing fully that God would restore him.  And although selfishly we would have loved to keep him around many more years, the Lord did heal Dad more fully than we can imagine.  He’s alive, restored, and surrounded with complete love and joy.  And for that assured truth, our spirits leap even if our hearts ache.    

Many of you have told me what a great man my dad was.  I assure you, no one knows it better than us. Many of you heard him lead from the pulpit, but we saw him lead from home, and I assure you, there was no difference between word and deed.

How does one condense a relationship of 31 years into a few concise paragraphs? He was a man of simple pleasures. We always said Dad’s catch phrase was “pack light.” Sometimes Dad would pack for a vacation and keep it so minimalistic, he’d sometimes forget the essentials, like socks or deodorant. He didn’t overcomplicate life and sloughed off the dramatic.  He kept a short list of grievances, forgiving wrongs and moving on. Over and over he’d tell us kids how he loved us and how proud he was of us; it wasn’t something we only heard once or twice but over and over again.  He enjoyed working hard and resting fully.  When we were old enough to help out, Dad gave us responsibilities at home.  Every week, we completed our expected chores, which included helping him in the garden as well as feeding the chickens.  If we wanted to earn extra money, we could refer to a chart Dad organized and work for our pay.  Everything we earned had to be divided up into tithe, savings, and spending money.  Even though Dad taught us how to budget, he loved to give.  Dad was always taking us on family outings and vacations.  He wanted us to experience things and enjoy life together. He made sure we had that special family time every week.   He was especially good at lavishing gifts on Mom. When they got married, my dad gave Mom a piano as a wedding gift.   And several years later, for my mom’s 50^th birthday, Dad bought her a baby grand, fulfilling a dream of hers to one day own one.

And he knew how to love her well.  I never heard my dad speak a harsh word to Mom. They just didn’t fight.  He’d often tease her, but never with cruelty.  Humbly he’d often seek out her opinion and direction, respecting her thoughts and feelings over the big decisions as well as the little ones.  My brothers and I could often find them kissing.  I remember many times Dad would even dip Mom and kiss her.  Toward the end of Dad’s time on this earth, he struggled to communicate, but he still managed to blow Mom kisses and wink at her from across the room.  Despite his pain, he wanted to make sure she was okay and often told her to rest. 

Making sure others were taken care of was Dad’s primary concern. 

Aside from his great love for his family, Dad loved the Lord and that love permeated everything he did.  Even before we could read, Dad had us memorize Bible verses.  Aside from John 3:16 and John 14:6, I think “children obey your parents” was the first one.  In the evenings, he would read a Bible story to us and daily he blessed his children with prayer.  Even when Dad’s body started to fail him and he wasn’t able to hold a Bible, he would pray.  Even when he couldn’t manage to read the words, Dad would sing praise songs.  One day when I was sitting with Dad, he started humming   Bless the Lord, Oh My Soul.  Nothing could have sounded sweeter.  Together we made a joyful noise to the Lord.

I will miss making donuts with Dad. I’ll miss his knee-slapping laughter.  I’ll miss sitting on the beach with him, just talking about life.  I’ll miss his wise and practical advice.  I will miss more than I can list here. 

 

 

Dad led an incredible example here on this earth.  His legacy will reach far beyond what we can even see now.  But Dad would be the first to tell you that his goodness was nothing compared to the holiness of our Awesome God.  The Bible says our righteousness is as filthy rags.  But… but for the grace of God.  We live beyond this world because of the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf.  Today, Dad walks in everlasting joy and peace because he was covered by the blood of Jesus.  And for those of us who have accepted that incredible gift, we also will join Dad when God calls us home.  Of that, I assure you.  

 

Joy as a Gift

Nehemiah 8: 10 "...the joy of the Lord is your strength." 

This week, the joy of God has been so much more tangible and overflowing in my spirit than I can ever recall. I've certainly had joyous moments of rapture: my wedding day, the birth of our children, etc.  But never has the joy been so all-encompassing and yet so uncircumstantial. My dad fights cancer daily with constant pain and sleeplessness.  Our finances are lower than they've ever been, leaving us with unpaid bills and needs.  The kids have been sick a lot this winter. The weather is awful. The sun is absent.  I could go on, just as I'm sure you could. 

But my mind isn't on those things any more.  It has been.  And the focus reeled me into a pit of anger, doubt, and fear. My heart's emotions crowded out any place for God's Spirit to pour in joy.  The pit was already filled... with muck. 

I had to let go of the mud pie in my hands before God could place something delicious there.My earlier post explains what He did.  

He did what I couldn't and filled me with something I couldn't muster on my own.
 Also that day they offered great sacrifices, and rejoiced: for God had made them rejoice with great joy. Nehemiah 12:43

And that has led me to this place of utter wonder at who God is and how He fills us.  Because I believe that true joy, lasting joy, can't come apart from salvation. And that work is a complete effort on His part and a complete receiving on ours. 

His work is ongoing--saving us from ourselves and our natural tendencies to fall (or jump) into the pit.  Despite my misery, I clung to my putrid feelings, justifying my sin. I wanted to feel peace and joy, but I didn't want to let go of my anger.  Using it as a protective shield, I blocked God's Spirit and all the beauty that He brings with His presence. (Gal. 5:22-23).  After all, letting go is scary, especially when you think you carry some semblance of control--an illusion, yes. 

With repentance, God can clean us up and fill our spirits with such incredible Presence.  Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, Act. 3:19
Not only did He take away the anger and doubt, He poured joy over my heart, and poured and poured, and keeps pouring. It doesn't make any sense, but that's the beauty of grace--such undeserved blessing. 

I feel like I am standing under a waterfall.  When anger or frustration or fear splatter on my soul, His powerful joy quickly washes it away.  I don't want to ever crowd His Spirit again.  So, for now, I boldly declare: there is no room for any but Him.  May I stand watch at the door, guarding my heart from those little "pet" sins that want to come in and take up residence.  

Prov. 4:23 Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.

The Gift of Faith

For the last few weeks, anger and frustration have dominated my emotions. I’ve had moments of “breakthrough” in my thinking, trying to rest in trust.  But my heart and mind would fidget back to those all-encompassing questions of “why, God? Why don’t you relent?  Give my dad a break already.”  This weekend, anger settled into my heart as this putrid God-resentful bitterness.  After all, I already had it all figured out; I knew what God needed to do, and despite all my prayers to that effect, He wasn’t coming through for me.

Monday morning, I started reading my Bible study.  The day prior, in tears of utter failure and disappointment, I told my husband I needed to step down from my leadership role in our group.  After all, what kind of Christian walks around with their fist raised to God?  But I hadn’t had a chance to settle that issue yet, and out of nothing more than begrudging obedience, I started reading out of Luke 5.

Simon Peter has an encounter with Jesus, and I was about to have one as well.

 Jesus walks up to Simon, climbs into his boat, and after speaking to the crowd, turns to Simon and tells him to let out their nets for a catch.

Simon responds with doubt, “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets” (Luke 5:5).

The words jumped off the page and sunk deep into my psyche.  I tried to go on, but God’s Spirit wouldn’t let me.  I couldn’t go on until I wrestled with it a little more. 

We’ve worked hard all night—We’ve already tried that, God.  All night long, we tried.  And nothing.

I couldn’t help but think of Dad.  Over and over, seemingly every method possible (chemo, radiation, alternative treatments, diet, prayer, healing rooms, on and on… over and over) has already been tried.  My net of faith is empty, God. 

But Simon didn’t just question, he followed up, “But because you say so, I will…” It didn’t have to make sense to him; it went against reason, but he did it anyway.  After all, Simon had cause to believe.  Jesus had already healed his mother-in-law in an immediate and miraculous way.  But he wasn’t fully confident.

The beauty of this whole encounter is that Jesus honored his obedience, even if his faith was weak.  I always think about Peter’s experience with Jesus later on, when Jesus rebukes Peter for doubting, “you of little faith” (Matthew 14:31).  I feel helpless at that point.  Being much like Peter myself—do now, think later—I probably would have been action-oriented without taking into account my limited faith. 

But the overwhelming power of Jesus’ display humbles Simon to the point of recognizing who he is in front of the Christ. “When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees  and said, ‘Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!’” (Luke 5:8).

Like Peter, I felt broad-sided by God’s power and holiness.  Shame washed over my bruised and angry heart, and I started repenting of my arrogance.  Forgive my pride. Forgive my anger. Forgive me for not treating you with reverence.

God, you do whatever you please. I trust you. I am nothing without you. What do I, a mere sinful and finite being, understand?  Who am I to hand you a list and expect you to do my bidding?  Who am I, Lord?   I am forever in your debt for your redemptive grace over me. You are good. So good. Thank you for your mercy and grace to me. I don’t deserve it, but I’m so glad you don’t give up on me.

As soon as I prayed, God swept away all my anger, doubt, and fear.  Gone.  And in its place came this overpowering joy.  I just started praising God, thanking Him for freeing me from such an ugly burden.  For lifting that which didn’t honor Him and replacing it with such a beautiful gift—faith.

God led me to 2 Corinthians 4:7-18, and I knew God wanted me to take a step of faith.  I knew God wanted me to throw my net of faith out into the waters.  I needed to lay hands on Dad and pray for him. No confidence came that He would heal Dad, but I certainly knew he could.  I trembled with nervousness; after all, who was I to pray a prayer of faith over Dad?  My faith net was torn and full of holes.  But as 2 Corinthians 4:7 reminded me, I am a weak vessel, a jar of clay, “to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from [me].”

I knew that if I cowered to my fear, I would be picking of the chains and re-shackling myself to doubt. I didn’t want to go back—never again.  Plus, I knew if I didn’t obey, I would explode. God’s power was so mighty in my spirit.

God, regardless of what you choose to do, I will obey and I won’t doubt.  If Dad feels immediate healing, if his healing comes gradually, or if you choose to take him home, I will trust you.  You are good.  You are God. 

“Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.” 2 Corinthians 3: 12 

My parents and I had a beautiful time of submission and humble faith-prayer.  And as my dad struggled through pain last night, I ached inside, but my faith didn’t crumble.  The anger didn’t resurge, and my joy continued to feed my hope. 

This morning that joy greeted me again, reminding me of God’s merciful gifts: faith, hope, and love. 

Joy in Pain

One of the verses my daughter is memorizing right now is Phil. 2:14, "Do everything without arguing or complaining."  As usual, these verses convict me more than I think they even impact her.  I'm not a big arguer, and I'll pass on the whining, thanks.  Leaves a sour taste in my mouth.  But, unfortunately, I'll take a rather large helping of complaining, peppered with a tablespoon of anger.  I might feel that my sense of justice validates my complaints; after all, "such and such" is so unfair. 

I've had some frustrations this week, and a few set-backs to my schedule, but they've just been little bumps in the road.  Couldn't even call them potholes--not compared to what life can serve up.

And yet, I let these little perturbances dampen my joy.  I so crave the elusive control over my life, that my "inflexible" spirit becomes anxious and angry when life just doesn't ride smooth.

And yet, this morning, as I dropped my kids off at their grandparent's house, I was convicted of my attitude.  My dad made his way to the foyer and greeted his granddaughter with a big smile.  He held his hand up and teased, "Give me five, God's alive!"  She gladly joined in and he added, "Give me ten. He's comin' again."  

Now that may not seem so extraordinary.  After all, most granddad's are fun-loving and jovial, especially around their grands.  But what you may not know is my dad is fighting cancer right now.  Pain is a constant companion, and migraines still plague him.  Last night he got a meager three hours of sleep (above average actually).   How he even has the energy to make it downstairs for breakfast every day amazes me.  

And yet, he was walking the circle in their house, humming and praising God.  And I think, what a beautiful representation of praise.  

Hebrews 13:15 comes to mind. "Through Him then, let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that give thanks to His name." 

Does he always feel like praising God?  No, I'm sure the physical often overwhelms the spiritual in his body.  But he is choosing, because He knows the truth that God is good and God is loving--even when he doesn't feel it--to acknowledge who God is and joyfully proclaim His name. 

That's what I saw this morning, a joyful proclamation in the face of pain. It was stunning really and made me want to dance.  

Do I hate what he is going through?  Yes, more than I've hated anything in a long time. 

And yet, I see how my dad can hold onto joy, hold onto the future hope, hold onto "his grace is sufficient" and I want to slough off all other complaints and skewed perspectives and reach for Him.   

John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

Red-Light Prayer Initiative | Exodus Cry

Red-Light Prayer Initiative | Exodus Cry
Exodus Cry has created the Red-Light Prayer Initiative in an effort to see red-light districts across the world transformed. We’re challenging you to pray for the Kingdom of God to come in the red-light districts every time you’re stopped at a red light.

Why prayer?

• For justice – God promised to release justice in response to day and night prayer.

And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily…” Luke 18:7-8

• Anyone can pray – Our hope is that through the simple means of prayer we can grow an organic movement that spreads across the earth in which day and night prayer for the ending of human trafficking and slavery would emerge from every city on the earth.
• A focused network – The combined, corporate, targeted prayers of saints around the world will produce a mighty prayer cannon to assault the powers of darkness that hover over our cities and enslave our women and children.
• Beholding and becoming – As we posture our hearts to gaze upon Jesus in prayer, our hearts are dynamically connected to His heart.  This is where we receive the divine empowering we need to walk out our prayers in tangible ways as we pursue God’s vision of setting the captives free and healing the brokenhearted (Isa. 61:1)

Commitments to Join the Exodus Cry Prayer Watch

• A once per week, one-hour prayer meeting focused on the ending of human trafficking.
• Join our Monday 8pm (CST) intercession set for the end of human trafficking live, online at www.ihop.org.  We encourage joining this prayer meeting weekly as a means of establishing greater unity and focus throughout our network.  If you are unable to join live online you can also find the archive at www.ihop.org.  Search for “Monday 8pm Intercession”.
• To the best of your ability map out the strategic strongholds in your city, such as: brothels, strip clubs, asian massage parlors, and other places of sexual exploitation. Then pray for those strongholds to be torn down.

The Network

• Prayer Bulletin – Each month we will send out a prayer bulletin highlighting our prayer focuses and activities.Click here to sign up.

Taken from Exodus Cry http://exoduscry.com/prayer/

Take some time to pray today.