I'm writing today because the desire is always there, but honestly, I have so many thoughts playing bumper cars in my brain, I don't know how to sort them into neat rows. So, no organized soldiers today...just splatterings of this and that...that perhaps no one but me really needs to hear.
I'm teaching a web writing course right now--two actually--and am amazed at the beauty and challenge that God brings my way. Truly, I love my job...this gift given to me 8 years ago on the whim of an application. After two brief phone interviews and no networking contacts, He graced me with a my second-place dream job.
Writing full-time would take the gold. But, for now, that's not God's purpose for my days. My days, crowded out with three little people who depend on me for their education, their spiritual discipleship, their bodily nutrition, and their love--whoa, do I feel wholly insufficient for this task--are my primary ministry at the moment. And they are a temporary gift, pouring joy and struggle into my days. It won't always be this way. My days will alter...and only He knows exactly when.
Wouldn't it be great if one could hear His audible voice telling you which way to go, what door to walk through, when to run, when to stand still. Yes, I'd love to hear Him clearly...
Heck, I'd settle for a postcard in the mail.
But this game of seeking and listening isn't for the impatient or distracted; a relationship with Jesus requires time (oh, how we begrudgingly release it) and open hands. And then, when we allow ourselves to go to that place, our spirits escape the worldly constraints and exhale in relief.
He is there.
He is near.
He is working.
He is listening.
He is speaking.
I need only draw close to His heart and let go of mine, trusting that He's more than "got this covered."
Even when my body falls apart and I feel insecure at the wake of "what if." I can't control this, but I can trust Him who does.
Even when jobs are unstable, people are unjust, and conflicts are abundant. I can't control that, but I can trust Him who does.
Even when I am rejected for that which I am most passionate about doing. I can't control what they say, but I can trust the one who loves and accepts me. He has a plan. I need only ask and wait.
God did a beautiful thing recently, something that may seem simple and overlooked, but I am trying to be more diligent about turning back and thanking him (Luke 17:15)--noticing and appreciating.
With my piled-up health issues so have my health-care expenditures piled up. Normally one to find security in saving and not spending, I found myself quivering at the thought of so much money going out. Guilt, shame, and the ever-present "how can I fix this" attitude popped up. In His mercy, God answered my unspoken prayers, showing me how present He is to meet my needs. Although this situation has never presented itself (to my shaky recollection), I was offered two courses to teach (same class=one prep time) and the second course was substantially smaller. Since homeschooling, my boundary has been one class at a time, but this situation was ideal. Essentially, I'm teaching one large course for the pay of two. God's provision? Absolutely!
This month I want to be more intentional about noticing and thanking. Gratitude is what propels us closer to the heart of the Father, ever humbly receiving what He pours over us.