the ache of what could be keeps me thankful for the mercy I see poured over and over, a cup that knows no bounds--His love, which really is bottomless...
and i feel regret. how could i forget? even for a moment? am i so blind to the water that keeps pouring out of his hands over my head, my children, my husband, my life?
we are coming out of three weeks of illness, circulating the pain and confusion back and forth and trying to keep perspective, and i think, is this a test? a trial? ...a gift?
to be still
to hold a child when I'd normally not
to read a book when I'd usually finish a task
to really see them, appreciate them, cradle them
and remember that not all illness leaves us.
some parents face the torment of the chronic... the fatal... and the waiting of seeing it assault that which they hold most precious in this life.
and waves wash over me, nearly drowned me, i am thankful and baffled and just want to hold them closer, capture this moment, savor it, and appreciate the life blessed to me...
for all is grace.