Just because we don't understand the way God moves doesn't mean he has stopped moving; it just means we're too finite to understand his perfect, sovereign ways. --Gary Thomas
Recently, I've done some spiritual assessments, trying to figure out just what gifts--if any--I really possess. Under exhortation and shepherding, I ranked high in the category of knowledge. Now, that term sounds far loftier than I see myself. Essentially, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm that wise (that's another category) or that I even retain a lot of information. It just means that I'm a truth-seeker. I want to know things... and more specifically, I want to understand.
Lately, I've been butting my head up against some major walls, walls that just don't want to tumble under God's power or love.
All my seeking knowledge in the area of child sex trafficking and abuse has caused some serious questions to beat on my brain. Aside from the headache, they haven't let up much and I'm getting a little exhausted.
But honestly, I'm also getting a little frustrated. At God.
"If it was my child, I wouldn't just watch; I'd step in and do something." After all, isn't true love protection? What about defending the defenseless, God? What about that?
Obviously, the problem of evil isn't a new one. Theologians and lay-people alike have been wrestling with it for centuries. It's the number one reason atheists declare, the number one reason Christians doubt, and the number one reason I get angry with God.
And yet, He's reminding me (from all sides) that I am not here to "get it" all. I won't. My little brain, as lofty as I may place it, is limited--finite. If I could understand God's intricate plan, my mind would explode. And yet, I arrogantly assume that our omniscient God has to explain himself to me.
But I'm not alone. David, a man of extreme passion and lyrical vision, also wrestled with these doubts. Where are you, God? When are you going to punish the wicked? (Psalm 69, Psalm 73). I think his honest heart honored God, even if His words did not. Meaning? David had real relationship with God. He shared his thoughts, feelings, and inner wonderings.
I'm currently going through a study on Malachi with the women at my church. Honestly, I didn't expect the lessons to be all that relevant, but of course, God knew what I needed to deal with. Last week, Lisa Harper (author of our study) asked us some tough questions.
How would you describe the healthy tension between having a strong heart that rears up against evil and having a soft heart that submits to the authority of the Holy Spirit?
I don't really know how to answer that question, but I know it has to do with obedience and trust. Trusting God's plan, His eyesight, His power, and ultimately His love. (Ps. 69:33)