To Infinity and Beyond...

Just because we don't understand the way God moves doesn't mean he has stopped moving; it just means we're too finite to understand his perfect, sovereign ways. --Gary Thomas

Recently, I've done some spiritual assessments, trying to figure out just what gifts--if any--I really possess.  Under exhortation and shepherding, I ranked high in the category of knowledge.  Now, that term sounds far loftier than I see myself.  Essentially, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm that wise (that's another category) or that I even retain a lot of information.  It just means that I'm a truth-seeker.  I want to know things... and more specifically, I want to understand.

Lately, I've been butting my head up against some major walls, walls that just don't want to tumble under God's power or love.

All my seeking knowledge in the area of child sex trafficking and abuse has caused some serious questions to beat on my brain.  Aside from the headache, they haven't let up much and I'm getting a  little exhausted.

But honestly, I'm also getting a little frustrated.  At God.

"If it was my child, I wouldn't just watch; I'd step in and do something."  After all, isn't true love protection?  What about defending the defenseless, God?  What about that?

Obviously, the problem of evil isn't a new one.  Theologians and lay-people alike have been wrestling with it for centuries.  It's the number one reason atheists declare, the number one reason Christians doubt, and the number one reason I get angry with God.

And yet, He's reminding me (from all sides) that I am not here to "get it" all.  I won't.  My little brain, as lofty as I may place it, is limited--finite.   If I could understand God's intricate plan, my mind would explode.  And yet, I arrogantly assume that our omniscient God has to explain himself to me.

But I'm not alone.  David, a man of extreme passion and lyrical vision, also wrestled with these doubts.  Where are you, God?  When are you going to punish the wicked?  (Psalm 69, Psalm 73).  I think his honest heart honored God, even if His words did not.  Meaning?  David had real relationship with God.  He shared his thoughts, feelings, and inner wonderings.

I'm currently going through a study on Malachi with the women at my church.  Honestly, I didn't expect the lessons to be all that relevant, but of course, God knew what I needed to deal with.  Last week, Lisa Harper (author of our study) asked us some tough questions.

How would you describe the healthy tension between having a strong heart that rears up against evil and having a soft heart that submits to the authority of the Holy Spirit?  

I don't really know how to answer that question, but I know it has to do with obedience and trust.  Trusting God's plan, His eyesight, His power, and ultimately His love.  (Ps. 69:33)

Feeling Restless

That feel has lodged itself in my heart again this weekend... that ache...not the kind you or even want to numb out to, but the kind that lures you, coaxes you to notice, to see more deeply, to understand.

It's that restless ache that beckons, "there's something more..." No, I haven't been reading another book about heaven, but that doesn't stop my thoughts from going there and wanting to fully live there--everything encapsulated in joy, nothing tarnished by deformity, spirits wholly the way God meant for them to be. That's what this ache is doing to me.

Revelation 21:4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

I don't think we should shun our heavenly homesickness. We should let it motivate us.

So what do you do when you can't be home yet?  (I'm sorry. I don't believe heaven is here, despite what some may think).  Some would say you numb out, "Forget you're not home. Pretend this is home; you'll be happier that way."  Will I?

Others plead, live in sacrifice.  If this world really does hold nothing for you, act like it.  Start living like you are going home some day.  Because this isn't it. 

This quote by C.S. Lewis comes from Mere Christianity

Most of us find it very difficult to want “Heaven” at all – except in so far as “Heaven” means meeting again our friends who have died. One reason for this difficulty is that we have not been trained: our whole education tends to fix our minds on this world. Another reason is that when the real want for Heaven is present in us, we do not recognise it. Most people, if they had really learned to look into their own hearts, would know that they do want, and want acutely, something that cannot be had in this world. There are all sorts of things in this world that offer to give it to you, but they never quite keep their promise.”

I think this ache shouldn't propel us toward further attempts at self-gratification, but at a deeper desire and motivation to live outside ourselves (and out of our boundaries)... for isn't that what we are doing anyway?

My life is pretty meaningless if I try to coax through my homesickness with recreation, food, pleasure, achievements  and relationships. However, that ache that God has left within us will keep us focused on our true home and our true Joy, inspiring others to see it too.


Revelation 22:3-4 No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him. ⁴ They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. ⁵ There will be no more night. They will not need the light of a lamp or the light of the sun, for the Lord God will give them light. And they will reign for ever and ever.

Imagine...

I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.

Albert Einstein

As a creative writing instructor for Regent University a big part of my job deals with the imagination--what our thoughts conjure on paper.  This past week my students wrestled with the debate over "gratuity," defining and isolating context.  Is it acceptable to use profanity in our writing? What about other forms of evil?  Does nonfiction have a different obligation to "the truth" over fiction?  That's the standard?  As always, a vast scope of beliefs flood my inbox, and every session I teach this course, I too wrestle with the questions.

Last night I read an article in WORLD regarding the disturbing following over Fifty Shades of Grey.  In this essay, "Literary Bondage," Janie Cheaney says that journalists have tagged this book "mommy porn," as it seems to target young married women.  Although I have not read this text (and won't), what baffles me about the content is how women want to be "enslaved" in sadomasochism.  What was the whole women's liberation movement for if a woman's fantasy rests in slavish evil?

"We resort to role-playing where we should be most honestly ourselves" (Cheaney 20).  But how often do we as women project ourselves as something other, even when we desperately want to be loved, respected and accepted as we are?

Last season, we watched The Voice.  We won't this year.  Reason being?  Christina Aguilera's trashy, almost-fully-exposed attire.   Some may scoff at our "prudish" decision.  But quite honestly, my husband doesn't need to be seeing that and neither does my daughter, who is learning what it means to be secure and modest.  She's going to get enough doubts and images thrown at her without my tv choices helping her.

Anyway... what I found ironic was Aguilera's statement one night.  It was toward the end of the season and she was down to one or two supporting singers.  She ridiculed another coach's performer and his song choice, saying it degraded women.  And as she stood up on stage, her butt hanging out of panties and her boobs popping out the top, she declared that her singer was a man "who respected women."  I couldn't help but laugh.  The comment was ironically ridiculous for several reasons.

As one pastor/speaker said some years back, "Women, don't present yourself as a cheap fast-food menu and then get upset when a man tries to place an order."

If we as women really want to walk in love and acceptance, we have to start treating ourselves with respect, shunning the dehumanizing standards our society has deceived us with. Perhaps it seems old-fashioned to be modest, to avoid exposing yourself, or keeping yourselves pure for God and spouse, but it goes true for both sexes.

Imagination is a powerful tool--whether on page or visually-enhanced--the Enemy is using to put God's people in bondage.  And the sad thing, we are so immersed in shackles and darkness, we can't see how far in the pit we've tumbled. We've forgotten what it means to walk in the light.

Cheaney ends her piece with these lines: "I won't be reading Fifty Shades of Grey because that place I like to regard as my own--my imagination--is already too cluttered with trash.  More and more, I need to find Jesus there, making Himself at home.  This is mine, too, He says."