I’ve never been
much of a prayer warrior; to me, prayer involved some arbitrary equation where
2+2 never quite equaled 4. But, for the life of me, the right formula remained
elusive. When one of my greatest prayers for my father’s physical healing was
answered with a “no” and my dad left this place for Heaven, the Lord challenged
me to step back from my prayers and assess what I was praying for. Was my faith
in a certain answer or was my faith in the secure identity of who God is
(regardless of what He answered)? Would I be okay with God as Lord if He only
ever answered “no” from now until I departed for eternity? Did He have to say
yes to my requests for me to believe He was faithful?
So, I went on a
search: how were biblical prayers formatted? What did those prayers focus on?
Very few times were prayers about specific circumstances—of course, there are
those examples too—but more often, recorded prayers were about acknowledging
ourselves in front of a Great God. When we truly acknowledge the overwhelming
nature of God’s attributes, we can’t help but be humbled. Instead of going to
the throne demanding a certain outcome, we approach with grateful confidence,
knowing He will lead us where we need to go. We go with open hands, seeing what
He’s already poured into them. And then we ask, “What would you like to do with
this?”
Prayer is
relationship; it isn’t a manipulation tool. God is not my infinite vending
machine. Being a recovering control
freak, I cringe at how many times I’ve tried to coerce people…coerce God into
following my plan—as if I even could. I’d take God my to-do list and explain
why it’s essential He follow my
protocol; after all, my plan is for the best, right? My arrogance is laughable
at best; downright idolatrous at worst.
The times when
I’ve tried to pressure someone—usually my husband or child—into something I saw
as best have never quite turned out the way I’d hoped. In desperation, I’d nag,
deploying every manipulative device I possessed, but my efforts often seemed to
turn the person further from my desired outcome. After futile attempts, I finally resolved
myself “to just pray.” [On a side note,
the Enemy has duped us into thinking that prayer is a last resort, give-up
endeavor void of power. Oh, how wrong we
are to believe such lies.] I asked God
to show me how to pray His will over
my loved ones. And step-by-step, I
walked beside Him in my thoughts and desires and my conversation with Him.
If I was praying
for a person’s heart to change, I would see more results when I stepped back
and let God be God for them, instead of trying to tell them what I thought they needed to do. Did the transformation come in my timing? Hardly
ever. Even so, He’s done some miraculous transformation in my life and the
lives of those around me, bringing change as only He could. Some of the prayers
I’m praying still haven’t had a definitive answer yet, but I’m okay with that.
I trust that the Lord will do what needs to be done when it needs to happen.
And even if I don’t comprehend the answer or agree with the results, I know
God’s nature: He is good and loving and more than capable without me. He sees what I'm blind to. He holds all things in that beautiful tension. Therefore, He is trustworthy. Prayer doesn’t have to be a desperate or a scary
thing anymore.
I’d say that truly
purposeful prayer isn’t about producing a certain result. It’s more about
changing my heart into a right attitude that aligns with who God is and who He
says I am, and then—and only then— do I reach out for something “more.” Prayer
has become about connecting with Him and less about what I can get from Him. And
He Himself is so much more than anything He can give me anyway. He is more than everything.
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