Taken from the March issue of Reader's Digest by Frank Ferri:
MY GPS VOICE IS>>>
Simon Cowell: This entire trip has been simply ghastly. You missed two turns, and your sideview mirrors weren't adjusted properly. And the worst part was the singing to the radio. Just awful. You're no longer in the driver's seat. In fact, I'd be surprised if you returned next week--because you'd probably get lost again.
Jack Bauer: I don't have a lot of time. You're to have to trust me. The country's fate is in my hands. So please, listen to me. The Walmart is on the left, 2.6 miles up the road. Today's the last day for the rollback prices on that wicker hamper you want, so grab it and go. Then we have some business to take care of.
The Biggest Loser trainers: Come on! So you're lost. Are you gonna cry? Don't you dare reach for that glove compartment. I know that's where you hid your Twix bars. Just take a breath. Pull over. Do some stretching. Get back in. And let's turn around and get back on track! There's a weigh station on the right.