Monday, October 25, 2010

Monday Moments

Monday carries a lighter weight this week as I'm now homefree with my last teaching session till the baby comes. Good thing too as completing grades and taking care of a newborn does not appeal to me.

I've dove into the house, cleaning areas that haven't received attention for some time and "nesting" in the general satisfying way. I'm focusing time on my toddler, trying to cherish the moments with just her... even the times when I want to pull my hair out over her defiance. She more than makes up for it with her sweet and adoring temperament.

Yet, despite that, I feel a lurking anxiety that taunts me, tempts me to say, "Cower! Be worried, be very worried." Any one that knows me well understands my sense of imagination, and yes, even paranoia. Trusting and relinquishing tomorrow's "what if's?" isn't easy for this fearful control freak. But alas, I remind myself, I don't have control over it... I can't hold tomorrow together... I can only trust in the One who can. And choose... Oh, make that difficult choice to look back (not forward) and remember how great His faithfulness is. I can trust Him. And I need to shift my perspective from the cynical "oh, no, what if?" to the "taste and see..."

So on a more focused direction, I choose to thankfully acknowledge God's
and intervention

I chose to thank him for the ways He shows me he cares, subtle and small and sometimes overwhelmingly obvious.

I chose to say, "Yes, Lord, you are big enough for tomorrow. You are near enough for my shadowing fears."

This life is not all there is--praise His name--and I am merely trying to faithfully obey while here, waiting for that blessed time when I'm finally home!

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