A Weekend Exhale

After this week, we need to share a little more love, peaceful perspective, blessed hope, and some escape to just exhale and remember, God's got this.

Come and saunter through Stefan's work and exhale.

Over 16 million people served in the U.S. military during WWII. I'm thankful to all the troops who continually forfeit their lives to secure the safety of others. But, since both of my grandpas--now in Heaven--served during WWII, I'm a little partial to veterans from that war. What incredible feats they overcame. They truly were the greatest generation. 

To the brave men and women, I thank you.

Watch  a story that will move you to love and cherish those around you. Everyone needs someone to say, "You are valuable to me." 

Yes, you do matter. You are more than a piece of luggage.

"Expressing gratitude will give you positive emotions, but the purpose of writing the notes is because it’s the right thing to do. John says our natural tendency is to notice the 9 bad things that happened to us each day, but instead what if we focused on the one good thing?"

Take the time to write a thank-you note. Journal a gratitude list. Be intentional about saying thanks.

Determined Future

This week, I read through Colossians and stopped halfway through chapter one. Pondering this comforting truth, we have nothing to fear. God assures us that He is on the Throne. Nothing is beyond His control; He is above and before everything and He is the last word. Our King and Lord holds all things together (Col.1:16-18 ESV).

So, when life feels like it's falling apart, when our country seems to be imploding, when God appears distant, remember, He isn't finished writing this story. He's already penned the final chapters and the conclusion won't be muddled in darkness. His light will shine forth in clarity and truth.

Over the last few months, my mind keep wandering back to the plight of the Israelites; throughout the Old Testament records of their journey with God, we see example after example of their stubborn refusal to submit. They knew God's directives but chose to pave their own path and walk away. They stumbled into the darkness and God brought them back to Him, usually through captivity by another nation. 

Therefore the LORD was very angry with Israel, and removed them from His sight; there was none left but the tribe of Judah alone. (19) Also Judah did not keep the commandments of the LORD their God, but walked in the statutes of Israel which they made. (20) And the LORD rejected all the descendants of Israel, afflicted them, and delivered them into the hand of plunderers, until He had cast them from His sight. (II Kings 17:18-20)

I used to think that God's response toward them was a little harsh. Can't you punish them some other way, Lord? Use a method less severe than slavery? 

But, one idea God revealed involved the apparent situation of His people: they were already in slavery. They had already chosen to follow other gods--either by wood and stone or their own selfish hearts. Their prideful idolatry had enslaved their hearts, but they were blind to their predicament until God allowed their bodies to be enslaved as well. Their physical plight awoke them to their spiritual depravity. 

How often could we say the same of our culture? Many within our nation zip around with corporate tasks and social interactions, but their hearts are hollow and full of darkness and doubt. What's it all for? Why am I here? Is this as good as it gets? 

John Piper asserts that biblical suffering is a gift. (Phil. 1:29, Matt. 5:11, Romans 5:3, I Peter 4:13). It makes us less satisfied with this world and ourselves and what we can do and more focused on God and who He is and what He can do. Now, ultimately, we'd prefer to suffer with purpose for doing right than to suffer because we were stupid and wandered away from God's purpose for our lives. 

Remember that God doesn't waste anything; he can take the burnt ashes of our destruction and make glorious growth. And He promises to share the comfort of His presence (2 Corinthians 1:5). His victory is sure. Rest in that knowledge and remember that He is still reigning supreme. 

Is this really November?

The month tells us to expect oranges and browns and all things chilly, snugly,  and spiced. But, the air still carries this fragrant summer scent and honeysuckle blooms and roses continue to bud and my daughter's morning glory plant has never looked better. 

Sometimes growth happens when you expect decay. When circumstances demand a slowing down, a time of grief, loss, or disappointment, we just think hardship leads to the desert. Instead, the unexpected oasis unfolds before us.

Be thankful that you don’t already have everything you desire.

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don’t know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times.

During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful for your mistakes.

They will teach you valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you’re tired and weary,

because it means you’ve made a difference.

It’s easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who

are also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

~Author Unknown

I read this poem to my class yesterday and briefly discussed how the disappointments and hardships sometimes produce the very catalyst that brings growth and new life. 

My husband often prays that we'd go through a situation well--not necessarily that the circumstance itself would change. I used to resent these prayers: No, pray for it to go away! But, as Charles Swindoll says, "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it."

We don't know what the next chapter will reveal, but we do know that God filters everything through His unconditional love. So, whatever situation you find yourself in, ask Him for the courage to see it rightly.

How do you want me to respond, Lord?
What do you want me to learn from all of this?
Help me to surrender to You and your perspective.

Slow Down and Realize

We took a recent trip to St.Louis and stayed in a hotel for a couple of nights, which seems to be the most exciting part for our kids. Though Aaron and I groan over the cramped quarters, shared toilet and lack of privacy, the kids see the co-sleeping as a great adventure. In addition, they love watching their favorite shows on a large flat-screen TV--another item we don't have at home. 

Our three-year-old was glued to a PBS program when a commercial popped up. He immediately turned to me and said, "I don't like this show. Can you change it?" Because we don't own a TV and they've only ever watched Netflix or dvds, our kids couldn't grasp the concept of watching something you can't control. Corbin also didn't understand why his movie wasn't still on after we had come back from breakfast. The media was supposed to revolve around him.

Whether we jump on the carousel or not, our world is spinning fast, whirling with or without us. We have the option to put down the phone, pause the movie, TiVo our entertainment, stream our music, but it wouldn't surprise me if teleportation is mounting the horizon. Takes too long to get there? No problem; "Beam me up, Scotty." 

The last week or two I've been trying to create some more professional online space for myself. I've been blogging on blogspot for years and love it, but if I want to be noticed in a high-pitched world, I need to have a site unique and personal. 

The technical glitches and jargon tempted me to throw my computer out the backdoor and say, "Forget it! Give me a pen and notepad." I don't care about this junk anyway; I just want to create. 

What happened to the days when an author wasn't considered exceptional unless he or she was a recluse? Readers expected them to avoid the public eye; the mystery made them more intriguing and their work more desirable. Today you aren't even considered for publication unless you have thousands following you on social networking sites. Writers can spend more than half of their time just marketing (ahem, excuse me: tribe-building and branding). Authors no longer have time to do what they do best--write!

Anyway, the stress of it all wrapped me up in this restless angst; I growled at the kids, I neglected the house, and barely got dinner together. 

At one point during the chaos, my mom encouraged me to calm down, "You are letting all this stuff eat your lunch. You have no deadline; only self-imposed expectations." In other words, quit taking yourself so seriously; get some help. Relax. You aren't as important as you think you are...and neither is this list.

Last night, I was reading Yancey's book Prayer and I stumbled onto this little jewel: 

"When I sense that my activity means something and has worth, and so move faster and faster trying to accomplish more and more, at that moment I give in to pride and a feeling that all depends on me." (300)

What more can I say? I still have pages of work to complete, but I am trying to remember that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how much I conquer. What matters is how well I loved my children (was I patient and fully present?). Did I take the time to listen to my husband, really listen? Did I encourage others? Serve them? To humbly submit to God? After all, I'm not Him. He's on the throne of this world and I'm his servant: not the other way around.

"God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, Selah, because they do not change and do not fear God." Psalm 55:19 (ESV)


(photo cred Felipe Santana)Unsplash

Letters

Yesterday, we hosted a petite tea party for our 8-year-old. Unlike other birthday parties, I kept thinking last night,"Something has changed. She just seems so much more grown up." Of course, those of you who've interacted with our daughter know that she's been an old soul from the beginning: 8 going on 38. She could write her name at age 2, could read at age 4 and can prepare a whole dinner plus dessert by herself. She knows how to ask the deep theological questions--the ones that leave her daddy and me staring at each other. Raising her has never been boring. And she loves to communicate, in verbal and written form.  

Over the last several years, I've made a practice of writing letters to her on her birthday. She doesn't know it yet, because she's never received any of them. One day, when she moves out, I'll hand them all to her and say, "Remember?" Each year, I highlight the growth I've seen in her, the loves, the likes, the passion and remind her over and over again, "You are loved."

It's a simple habit, but one we both value.

A week ago, I was messaging back and forth with a friend who lives in the mountains (the real ones...not the Ozark ones). We were lamenting the lost art of letter writing and how people don't take the time to communicate with depth or intention. Words are abbreviated, condensed into bursts of demands, questions, or thumbs-up icons. Jane Austen would roll in her grave, my dears.

As much as I adore getting old-fashioned mail--yes, the kind you hold in your hand and write with a pen--I love sending letters and cards. 

It literally takes 5 minutes, but it can brighten someone's whole day, and turn a relationship around. Writing shows someone, "You matter to me. I thought of you and I wanted to do more than send a text." I'd encourage you to write a note, a letter, send a funny card to someone today: it can be for any reason, but "just because" is always the best. See what sunshine you can spread. 

Family From Here On Out

When my dad graduated to Heaven three years ago, each member of the Randy Kuenzle family had to decode what it meant to be family without him. Our core foundation unit was gone and we felt the gaping absence. Birthdays were painful; vacations felt lopsided, and Christmas was downright weird. Even so, we acclimated to a new "normal." Christmas and birthdays and Father's Day still reverberate with bittersweet memories, and on occasion, I will have an especially painful day where I just need to cry because I miss him so.  

Victor Hugo said that "even the darkest night will end with a sunrise." We keep living life and making new memories with family because we are still here and we value the precious bond of relationship. I don't hang out with my brothers because I have to; I do it because I genuinely want to do so. After my husband, my mom remains my best friend (I realize that not everyone can say that about their family, but what I have I am thankful for and I don't want to take it for granted).

This past weekend, we got to visit Aaron's extended family in Oklahoma. Having only one grandparent left on this earth, I am exceedingly grateful for Poppa and Gram. Thirteen years ago, when I was still just dating Aaron, they welcomed me in and made me their own, and they haven't turned back.

Even after two years of not seeing their great-grandparents, my cautious kids ran right to and hugged them with fervor. If you are in the Hanley home, you are hugged, given a plate of food, and encouraged to sit and listen to the Hanley stories. It's a lively experience for sure.

And more than any other word, you will hear "blessed." Not as in, "Oh, bless his heart." But more like, "We are so blessed." "My family is such a blessing." "Ya'll blessed us by being here."

God created it. We get to find it and enjoy it. And if it's done well, it's a blessing to others too. ~Family~

"How good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity." Psalm 133:1

"Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people." Acts 2:46-47

Try Harder

My mentor and I settled in with Panera coffee and classical music in the background. Truly, I love this time away from kids, away from duty, away from the nagging internal voices that demand me to try harder. Allison somehow possesses the gift of listening and challenging, all the while leaving the receiver empowered and edified. She leans in and asks me the probing questions that till up my heart and lay the ground bare for further planting and watering. 

We wrestle through all aspects of life (mothering, teaching, writing, leading), and then she inquires, "So, what are you thoughts and feelings around your grandmother's death?" Seeing her die overturned some emotional soreness from seeing her son (my own dad) die three years prior. But truthfully, the overarching response to her departure hitches onto jealousy: anytime a believer leaves this broken world for the complete one, I feel a tinge of envy. They are done struggling, done with the mess of feeling broken, in body and spirit.

I clarify, "I'm not suicidal. I'm just tired...tired of the messiness. Tired of the questions and struggle."
She responds, "Tired of fighting the good fight." 
Essentially, yes. 

As we talk, I realize how pitiful it sounds. How my perspective and heart need some altering. After all, my life carries so much ease and blessing. I may feel under attack, but I don't know what it means to suffer--really suffer. The majority of my issues stem from expecting more from myself than I can acquire. Get it right; work harder; find the answers; be more!

The law works fear and wrath; grace works hope and mercy. ~ Martin Luther


It's almost as if God is denying my ability to perceive success in any area of life. Knowing how much I value accomplishment and results, He's said, "Nope, you aren't going to find your identity in that." When I can't look to my abilities as a wife, mother, home-school parent, professor, leader, or writer nor measure any advancement or reward, I eventually turn back to my Creator and say, "Okay, what now? Where do I find my assurance and completion?" 

When failure bombards me, I know that success rests in Him. I've gotten so far off course that now I'm searching for security in me again and what I can do well. That was never God's intention for His children. He wants us to rest wholly in Who He is and what He's done. 

Last night, as Allison was praying over me, she asked the Lord to return to me the joy of salvation (Ps. 51:12): that's it, isn't it? Whether our little worlds rise high or crash down in rubble, the joy of this life comes from Him and what He's done in us. He loves us just as we are, broken but complete in Him.

"You are seen and known.
You aren't just another face in the crowd, you aren't just left fighting your battle, trying to slay your giants, forgotten & alone on the backside of nowhere. You aren't just a number -- your name, your *name* is engraved into the palm of His hands. He knows *you* -- He knows that thing you can't say out loud, He knows the soreness of the hidden wounds you've been carrying around on the inside, He knows the weight that you've been lifting & trying to pretend isn't even there. He wrote a love letter to you about it all; He didn't just write the Word--He wrote it *for you* ... He wrote it *to you* -- *personally.*
He wrote your name on His hand --- personally.
So let's believe it and
Never buy the lie
that it matters how you're ranked
in the eyes of the world --
when what ultimately matters
is how you are ranked
in the hearts of your people
and the eyes of God." ~ Ann Voskamp


I John 3:1-3
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.  Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure."