Let Go

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
Matthew 6:19-21

I don't consider myself materialistic--I don't like to shop, spend money, or pay full price for anything. I'm a bargain hunter and I love to save. But God's been showing me how materialistic I've become in my hoarding. Even though I don't like to spend, I find security in how much we have sitting in the bank.

This week we received a bill for my ER visit back in February. Even though the doctor ran several tests, I left no better than when I walked in. They thought my inability to breathe might be due to pleurisy, but they weren't sure, and since I was nursing, I couldn't take any anti-inflammatory drugs. So, after a couple hours, we left.

We opened the bill for $1700. And that amount was after insurance "helped out."

Immediately, I felt discouraged, frustrated, and determined. I decided that day I would work more, spend less, and regain control of our finances. I apologized to Aaron multiple times for the wasted trip and the added burden.

And later that evening I took a walk, by myself, and tried to listen to God. He told me to let go. That my security wasn't found in my savings, that money is temporal, giving is essential, and He would be the one to provide for me... not me.

I've always valued hard work and helping oneself. Co-dependency on others, the government, or debt irritates me. But with that frustration comes a lot of pride and self-reliance. I forget that God is the one that enables me to work, God is the one who helped me earn a degree so I could do something I love... at home without paying for childcare. God is the one that gave Aaron a strong body and a position at CofO's landscaping department and just as He has given, so can He take away. We've been blessed by numerous and generous benefactors, we've been given much and yes, although we've tried to be wise with our money, all is grace to us.

As I walked, I understood more that God was saying, "regardless of your savings... or lack thereof, I will take care of you. Trust me."

And I walked some more, and God spoke to my heart again. You need to let go. You need to give away. You need to give till it's uncomfortable. You need to give even though it doesn't feel reasonable or "smart." You need to store up more eternally.

I'd love to say that I accepted God's urging on His terms and immediately obeyed. I debated with Him for awhile though. Truth be told, I haven't even shared my thoughts with Aaron yet. Why? Fear mostly.

And then last night, Aaron prayed a prayer that convicted me further while addressing some of the issues I needed to address with him.

What did I hear again?

Let go.

Paint a Pumpkin

Take a break today, find a pumpkin, and grab some brushes. You don't need a child to do this either... although it is more fun watching a little one's creativity.

Enjoy some quality time together as you smooth paint on these beautiful orange orbs God created.

Peace in His Power

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that

you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

God's power working in us--Holy Spirit--frees us from the bondage of fear, anxiety,

anger, materialism, impatience, bitterness... you fill in the blank. Our hope and

peace come from him, not from our delusional perception of control.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to

His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the

resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible

and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,

who are kept by the power of God through faith for salvation ready to be

revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 1:3-5

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed me

to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the

brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the

prison to those who are bound. Isaiah 61:1

Peace in Chaos

Right now Veggie Tales is blaring in the background, my son is crying and screaming because he doesn't want to go to sleep, and my daughter is clamoring for a snack (even though she just ate breakfast). I have papers stacked up to grade, a messy house as a backdrop, and a do-to list that's collecting dust.

I haven't had a lot of peace lately: the main reason being, I haven't been going to the Source much. The main reason being, I have very little time to do so. The main reason? My children don't sleep. Yesterday I had maybe 45 minutes to shower and get in as much grading as possible before their short naps ended. This morning they got up at 6:15, and I'm so tired at night, I can't stay up very late. (My ten-month-old still nurses in the middle of the night).

But those are just excuses, aren't they?

After all, whose life isn't crazy, especially when you have small children and an outside job? When Aaron got home yesterday, I knew I needed to take a time out. And since exercise and outdoors rejuvenate me better than anything else, I chose to take a ten-minute walk with God. I needed to do some confessing, some listening, and yes, I did some complaining.

When the time came for me to return to the house, I wasn't ready. I didn't want the quiet reflection to end. I didn't want the solitude to end. But since most of us can't live like monks, we have to chose to take our peace with us into the chaos of life.

True peace can come in chaos though.

It's not going to be easy, and we do need those moments of solitude, but most of our choices have to come through the difficult circumstances, not in absence of them.

Even right now, as I write out my thoughts, I am interrupted every 30 seconds to answer a question, fulfill a need, hold a crying baby, etc. It's not easy to keep my patience in check. It's not easy to stay tuned into God's heart. It's really, really hard. But it is possible. And it's what He desires for us, to rest in Him when the world swirls and storms around us.

You keep him in perfect peace
whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.

—Isaiah 26:3

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

—John 16:33